1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
6. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, 'It's Not Unusual'."
7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially seminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
15. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
16. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain - they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
17. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)......A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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After a large tornado hit a small farming community, everything was blown to the ground. Most local farmers even had their animals blown everywhere. Shaking his head, one farmer was totally amazed to see his cows were the only things left standing in the whole county.
He asked the cows, "how did you guys survive so well?"
One cow simply smiled and said, "we bulls wobble but, we don't fall down."
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