Still sad

I think about my old boss a lot. I hope he is doing okay and wonder if he is well all the time. I won't call because I have left several messages last year and never received a call back....I am assuming he doesn't want to speak with me...and this saddens me. When I lost my job, I did blame him. Looking back, it wasn't entirely his fault as I believe anyone working there has blame on their shoulders too. He made bad choices and so did I...we all did. Tonight, I called his cell number in error. I had NO IDEA it was him until he picked up. I panicked and hung up on him. A couple minutes later, he rang me back. I didn't pick up and he didn't leave a message. He may not have known who's phone number called as my voice message doesn't have my name, just the pre-recorded message from Sprint. There have been many times I have cried about the situation but what is done is done. I spoke to a friend on the way home and she said I should call him. She said I must have called him subconsciously and maybe it was time for me to make a mends. Right now I just can't. I don't know if my heart will take rejection if it were to come. I do know I am sadden deeply and hopefully time will heal my hurt.