Still sad

I think about my old boss a lot. I hope he is doing okay and wonder if he is well all the time. I won't call because I have left several messages last year and never received a call back....I am assuming he doesn't want to speak with me...and this saddens me. When I lost my job, I did blame him. Looking back, it wasn't entirely his fault as I believe anyone working there has blame on their shoulders too. He made bad choices and so did I...we all did. Tonight, I called his cell number in error. I had NO IDEA it was him until he picked up. I panicked and hung up on him. A couple minutes later, he rang me back. I didn't pick up and he didn't leave a message. He may not have known who's phone number called as my voice message doesn't have my name, just the pre-recorded message from Sprint. There have been many times I have cried about the situation but what is done is done. I spoke to a friend on the way home and she said I should call him. She said I must have called him subconsciously and maybe it was time for me to make a mends. Right now I just can't. I don't know if my heart will take rejection if it were to come. I do know I am sadden deeply and hopefully time will heal my hurt.

Grandma's letter.

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ' For the love of God! ''Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and
Smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I grinned and waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Yesterday I Cried, Well Actually Today

I was broken down today. I let all the negative people get to me and I ended up crying. I sure wish it didn't bother me but hateful and mean people really do suck, just like the bumper sticker reads. The practice administrator called me into her office to talk and kept prying and asking questions and finally I cried. She reminded me that her office was a safe place and she hugged me. She said one of the nurses talked to her and said she felt really really bad about things. The nurse told her I was the most positive person she had ever met and yet it only took right over a month for me to get down. Isn't that just pitiful? My heart just isn't singing but I want it to sing so badly. I want to love my job and feel good about what I am doing but I am not and I don't know what to do to change the situation. I don't want to quit. The organization I work has wonderful benefits and I know that it could be a really great place....I am really working on not letting all the negative affect me but a lot of it is directed straight at me. You see, the person who actually gave her notice and then was let go before her notice was up had a lot of negative friends who still work there. The practice administrator has given me many of her responsibilities and has moved me into her desk space...some of girls who have worked there for awhile are really upset because I have access to things, which they do not....so who do they take their frustration out on??? Yep, me. It isn't anything, which I can run and tell (nor would I) it is just petty stuff and they are trying to get "at me" with their sly comments. I just do my best to ignore or pretend I have no idea what is going on...I sure hope it gets better soon. I see another batch of meanness coming soon because the entire negative gang (including the one who was let go) is getting together next weekend. I don't think I will get much relief for at least another 30 days or so until it all dies down again. I keep praying for my strength and not to let it bother me so much...but I am an emotional girl who wears her heart on her sleeve....I am also not used to this kind of stuff in the workplace.

I want my heart to sing again. I get so much joy and pride from my work and things have to get better soon! It just has to!!

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it.

Evening

Today was a BUSY BUSY day but a good one even though I had to work until almost 7 pm! We are being audited by one of the big insurance carriers tomorrow. It is a site visit so we all stayed late and made sure everything was in it's proper place. It isn't like our office is trashy or anything but it was a good to get things re-organized and put into its proper place.....at least a few hours. The reason why it was so busy was one of the girls who work at the front desk was sick. So I had to fill in and I haven't ever worked up in that position before so things were crazy. I had to do my job plus help answer phones and check people in and all that good stuff. I didn't even get a chance to have a cup of coffee so I was starving to death! (Coffee helps my hunger pains!)

I am getting more and more responsibility from the practice administrator. This is a VERY GOOD THING! Last week she had a meeting with each of us and she asked me what I wanted to do as far as jobs. I told her I wanted to be her right arm. She was pleased and said she needed another arm. Little by little I hope to take the lead position in the office. I have the experience and with each day, I think she realizes I am more than capable. Today she had a couple things assigned to me, which used to be the responsibility of my old boss. This only makes me happy to know she trusts me to do the job. Now if I could only make more money...that would be the icing on the cake. She seems far so hopefully that too will come in time.

Monday Morning

"Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to follow where they lead."
Louisa May Alcott

I loved this quote, which was sent to me from my work. Everyday, sometimes twice a day everyone gets an uplifting message. I love getting them. It helps me stop and think about something other than what is in front of me.

Today is a new day. I plan on making the best day I can and I am going to push the butterflies and stomach ache away.

Stress

Crazy things at work. The manager gave her notice and she was let go a couple days later. Some of her cronies are all up in arms. After it dies down I think the office is going to be a good one and I can't wait. I have been having stomach aches lately and I am sure it is my nerves.

GERD, Acid Reflux, Smoking and Gossip

I had my first episode of this....we had wings for dinner and the yucky taste kept coming up and into my throat. It was the worst thing I had experienced before!!! I made sure I took some Prevacid when I felt it in my throat but it was BAD! My doctor once told my mom I had this and I kept saying I never did and now knowing what it is exactly I know I have never had it before but plan on never having it again. No more spicy wings for me for dinner!!!

We all went out for dinner tonight to a family pub here in Westfield. Afterwards I almost got sick in the car. The smoke kept coming up and choking me I couldn't get in the house soon enough to get the smell off me. It was just bad!

Work is going pretty good. Soon the person who stirs up gossip in the office will be gone. She gave her notice and not to soon....I want her job too!

Mom you are a shining star though the world doesn't know your name.
You have no fancy title like Baroness or Dame.
Mom you really are a star, my mother mentor and friend.
A Nobel Prize for motherhood is what I'd recommend.
And if I won the lottery I'd share my win with you
I'd take you Mom on a spending spree each day the whole year through!
You may not be famous, as your face is known to few.
But Mom I think you are wonderful and I'm so proud of you!

Thursday Morning

I am writing this in a hurry as I haven't finished getting ready for work. Speaking of work, it is a stress mess. One of the girls leaves next Friday as she is going back to school...she will be missed. Another lady, who is a boss of ours, gave her notice but not in time to stir up a huge mess. I seriously think she wants to sabotage the office so it won't run well after she leaves. Another girl has decided she can't work there because of the politics of the girls, I totally can understand her position. This leaves 2 girls. One who said she will leave if the new boss who comes in is a Witch with a capital b. Well, anyone who comes in is going to be a witch to her because she comes and goes as she pleases. She is a best friend of the boss who is leaving and has favors from her all the time. That is going to stop I am sure. This leaves one new person left....and then me. The busiest time of the season is coming and I can see me and the other new girl having to run the front. I haven't even been trained because it isn't my responsibility but knowing I am "in that department" know I will be called upon. It is really sad to watch it all unfold. Knowing what is happening and keeping my mouth shut and out of it is the best for me in the long run but it saddens me.

Obama wins most delegates in Tuesday's primaries

The lesser of two evils has won this one and I feel blessed. I was so scared...

Tax Checks This Month

Want to know WHEN and exactly HOW MUCH you are getting back in May? Go here: https://sa2.www4.irs.gov/irfof/IRServlet?app=IRACTC

starbucks

I woke up with a horrible headache and I want Starbucks! Why isn't there any drive thru Starbucks in my area? I want to go through a drive thru in my pjs! I don't feel like dressing and going in because of this horrible headache!

Far away

"Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach
them, but I can look up and see the beauty, believe in them and try to
follow where they lead."
Louisa May Alcott

I loved this saying. It came in one of my emails from work. Each day we are sent information about what is going on in our place of employment as well as local stuff and the email starts out with a quote or something positive. Love that stuff! This is a really great place where I am working! It has a good foundation for growth. They consider it a ministry.