1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
7. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
8. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
9. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
10. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
11. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
12. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Thanks Beth for sharing!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sign
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Aren't We Supposed To Be The Intelligent Species?
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!" .
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Thanks mom for sending this one to me!
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!" .
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Thanks mom for sending this one to me!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Napoleon Hill Taught Me A Lesson Today
I was reading about Napoleon Hill today. One of his most “copied’ writings was a short writing on tolerance. It isn’t just about race it is about day to day living with others. Instead of getting annoyed about what someone is doing, step in their shoes and see why they may be doing what they are doing. Or, better yet, let it go. Life is too short to concentrate on the opposites of someone. Look for what brings them into your world and even if you don’t agree with what it is which annoys you perhaps just not focusing on that will help you get through your day a little better.
Why am I bringing all this up? Well Boss 2 paces when he is on his phone. He paces here and there and back there again. It aggravates me. Then I thought about Napoleon Hill and wondered if Boss 2 does this because of something negative from his childhood and it is how he copes. I am just throwing that out. It probably isn’t true but let’s just say it is for example only. I would then think hurray for him for learning pacing as a coping skill. With me thinking like this, I have empathy instead of hostility towards him. Wouldn’t Napoleon be proud? I am.
Why am I bringing all this up? Well Boss 2 paces when he is on his phone. He paces here and there and back there again. It aggravates me. Then I thought about Napoleon Hill and wondered if Boss 2 does this because of something negative from his childhood and it is how he copes. I am just throwing that out. It probably isn’t true but let’s just say it is for example only. I would then think hurray for him for learning pacing as a coping skill. With me thinking like this, I have empathy instead of hostility towards him. Wouldn’t Napoleon be proud? I am.
Monday, March 19
I woke up late this morning. Normally I am the first one up because I have to leave before anyone. This morning, I woke up to the sound of my brother leaving. Not a good sign. When I looked at the alarm clock I noticed the clock was set on PM instead of AM. I have no idea how this got changed. It worked last week…maybe I was setting the alarm to get up correctly, which would have been incorrect. I just don’t know. So I hurried and showered and got ready to go. I text boss 1 to advise. No response. So I text boss 1 again as this is what I am supposed to do until he responds. No response. So when I get into the car, I decided to call in and speak with boss 2. I was physically in my car and I told him, “Grouchy momma bear on the road.” He said to put on a happy face because we were having guests come in this morning. ARGH! I had to go back into house and change!! So I have basically taken my lunch hour before my day has started!!
The picture below is a Webkinz animal. It is a stuffed animal, which comes with an adoption tag. This tag has numbers you use on the computer to “play” with your animal. It is kind of like the game SIMS but for smaller children. My Maggie LOVES it! She named the dog Georgia. She sleeps with her and plays with her and it is very cute to watch her! Maggie also loves playing online with the animated Georgia. She takes her to the vet, gives her a bath and feeds her, among other things. My brother and I have been playing a lot with the quizzes and games so that she can get points. The points are used to purchase just about anything you could think of needing or wanting. It is a really cute idea. To bad I didn’t come up with it. If Maggie continues to like and play with Webkinz, I will see about getting her a kitty so that Georgia will have a friend to play with.
The picture below is a Webkinz animal. It is a stuffed animal, which comes with an adoption tag. This tag has numbers you use on the computer to “play” with your animal. It is kind of like the game SIMS but for smaller children. My Maggie LOVES it! She named the dog Georgia. She sleeps with her and plays with her and it is very cute to watch her! Maggie also loves playing online with the animated Georgia. She takes her to the vet, gives her a bath and feeds her, among other things. My brother and I have been playing a lot with the quizzes and games so that she can get points. The points are used to purchase just about anything you could think of needing or wanting. It is a really cute idea. To bad I didn’t come up with it. If Maggie continues to like and play with Webkinz, I will see about getting her a kitty so that Georgia will have a friend to play with.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
It's sleepy time!
I am having a hard time concentrating and especially keeping my eyes open. I am not sure why, it isn’t like I had a heavy lunch or anything. If anything, I am starving! I had some tuna, which was pretty bland and dry with a piece of wheat bread and then I ate a piece of fruit. I haven’t had any cokes….HA HA! That is why I am so tired! I am sure of it! I must go and get a drink right this moment!
How is your day going?
How is your day going?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Spiritual Sunday
I went on a retreat today with a friend. WOW is the best way I could describe what happened today. I got so much out of hearing the speaker/leader of the group. I really can't describe what I learned because it is still running through my head. Everyone had one on one time as well as group time with the leader. This was one of the best days I have had in a long time. I didn't know anyone and yet I felt at ease. One of ladies I met today said my eye sparkled and danced. I loved hearing that!!! It was just a great day. The speaker lives in Arizona and has been on several tv shows including OPRAH! I sure hope she can come back again soon very soon!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Honey and Cinnamon Cures
I may try a few of these and if they work, you will be the first to know!
HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, spread on bread and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries, reduces loss of breath, strengthens the heart beat and revitalizes the arteries and veins.
ARTHRITIS:
Take daily, morning and night, 1 cup of hot water with 2 spoons of honey and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder.
BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take 2 tablespoons of cinnamon powder and 1 teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.
TOOTHACHE:
Make a paste of 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder and 5 teaspoons of honey and apply on the aching tooth. This may be applied 3 times a day till the tooth stops aching.
BAD BREATH:
Gargle with 1 teaspoon each of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water first thing in the morning. The breath stays fresh throughout the day.
CHOLESTEROL:
Mix 2 tablespoons of honey and 3 teaspoons of cinnamon powder in 16 ounces of warm water and take 3 times a day to reduce the level of cholesterol.
COLDS:
Mix 1 tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for 3 days. This will cure most coughs, colds and clear the sinuses
INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on 2 tablespoons of honey and taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
UPSET STOMACH:
Honey and cinnamon powder can relieve stomach aches and help clear stomach ulcers from the root.
GAS:
Honey and cinnamon powder can help relieve stomach gas.
IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases.
PIMPLES:
Mix 3 tablespoons of honey and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder. Apply on pimples before sleeping and wash off in the morning with warm water. If done daily for 2 weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:
Mix honey and cinnamon powder in 1 cup of boiled water and drink daily 1/2 hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping. Drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
CANCER:
Patients suffering from cancer of the stomach and bones should daily take 1 tablespoon of honey with 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder for 1 month 3 times a day.
FATIGUE:
Mix 1/2 tablespoon honey in a glass of water sprinkled with cinnamon powder, take daily in the morning and in the afternoon about 3:00pm when the body's vitality starts to decrease. This increases vitality within a week. This helps seniors to be more alert and agile.
LONGEVITY:
Mix 4 spoons of honey, 1 spoon of cinnamon powder and 3 cups of water and boil.. Drink 1/4 cup, 3 to 4 times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft, arrests old age and increases life span.
HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, spread on bread and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries, reduces loss of breath, strengthens the heart beat and revitalizes the arteries and veins.
ARTHRITIS:
Take daily, morning and night, 1 cup of hot water with 2 spoons of honey and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder.
BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take 2 tablespoons of cinnamon powder and 1 teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.
TOOTHACHE:
Make a paste of 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder and 5 teaspoons of honey and apply on the aching tooth. This may be applied 3 times a day till the tooth stops aching.
BAD BREATH:
Gargle with 1 teaspoon each of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water first thing in the morning. The breath stays fresh throughout the day.
CHOLESTEROL:
Mix 2 tablespoons of honey and 3 teaspoons of cinnamon powder in 16 ounces of warm water and take 3 times a day to reduce the level of cholesterol.
COLDS:
Mix 1 tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for 3 days. This will cure most coughs, colds and clear the sinuses
INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on 2 tablespoons of honey and taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
UPSET STOMACH:
Honey and cinnamon powder can relieve stomach aches and help clear stomach ulcers from the root.
GAS:
Honey and cinnamon powder can help relieve stomach gas.
IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases.
PIMPLES:
Mix 3 tablespoons of honey and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder. Apply on pimples before sleeping and wash off in the morning with warm water. If done daily for 2 weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:
Mix honey and cinnamon powder in 1 cup of boiled water and drink daily 1/2 hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping. Drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
CANCER:
Patients suffering from cancer of the stomach and bones should daily take 1 tablespoon of honey with 1 teaspoon of cinnamon powder for 1 month 3 times a day.
FATIGUE:
Mix 1/2 tablespoon honey in a glass of water sprinkled with cinnamon powder, take daily in the morning and in the afternoon about 3:00pm when the body's vitality starts to decrease. This increases vitality within a week. This helps seniors to be more alert and agile.
LONGEVITY:
Mix 4 spoons of honey, 1 spoon of cinnamon powder and 3 cups of water and boil.. Drink 1/4 cup, 3 to 4 times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft, arrests old age and increases life span.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Fab Friday
1. Boss 1 is out.
2. Boss 2 is out.
3. I have gotten much done (work and play wise).
4. I woke up with a headache but it seems to be gone now!
5. Joined Curves this week and I LOVE it! If you decide to join, give them my name so I can get a t-shirt!
6. It is COLD in here. I would rather be cold than hot…see Number 1 of Monday Headaches post.
7. It’s Friday, must I say more?
How is your day?
2. Boss 2 is out.
3. I have gotten much done (work and play wise).
4. I woke up with a headache but it seems to be gone now!
5. Joined Curves this week and I LOVE it! If you decide to join, give them my name so I can get a t-shirt!
6. It is COLD in here. I would rather be cold than hot…see Number 1 of Monday Headaches post.
7. It’s Friday, must I say more?
How is your day?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Relax
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Monday Headaches
1. Boss 2 was in all day. He had the heat blasting and I bet it was 90 degrees.
2. I was starving most of the day.
3. I drank a diet coke and ended up with a terrible headache...one which I still have right now.
4. Boss 1 snapped at me and I forgot to snap back.
5. I can't reach my friend Dawn...she is the one who's husband isn't what I call "husband material."
6. The plumber came and fixed my rental plumbing problem. It cost me $600.00 and he only takes cash or check...NO CREDIT.
How was your day?
2. I was starving most of the day.
3. I drank a diet coke and ended up with a terrible headache...one which I still have right now.
4. Boss 1 snapped at me and I forgot to snap back.
5. I can't reach my friend Dawn...she is the one who's husband isn't what I call "husband material."
6. The plumber came and fixed my rental plumbing problem. It cost me $600.00 and he only takes cash or check...NO CREDIT.
How was your day?
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Rental
My renter will be all paid up if he pays me today. I can't even believe it. I have gotten so used to him not paying me. I must continue to think positive thoughts that money will flow not only to me but to him as well! Now I have to have someone come in and look at the plumbing situation in the house. Renter is stating the pipes are clogged. I called one plumber and he is booked out for a week. An entire week!! What would happen if you had an emergency? UGH! I prefer not to think about that.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
That twitch is my head
I am really trying to change my attitude for the positive right now. I am really feeling a little bit stressed. We just found out yesterday that a motor line was being offered in this territory. We jumped at the chance only to find out this week, they offered the line to someone other than us. On top of this, I can’t seem to win or influence customers to use any of our lines. They would if we were price competitive but in most cases, no where close.
I also am very frustrated because an inquiry came in approximately 2 weeks ago. Boss 2 wanted to handle it all. It was something I could have done but even though I didn’t want to,I gave it to him. I emailed him last Friday where the quote was so I could follow up. Well, there wasn’t a quote ever done. I realize he is overwhelmed and overstressed but by goodness give me the darn work! He stated today he wanted to do it because he needs to learn the product line. I get it. I get it. What I don’t get is why couldn’t I crossed and do the work and then give the inquiry back to him so he could get a grasp on what it was, which needed to be done. I am drowning in debt here! I need these sales and I am more than willing to do what I can…I wanted to B*itch slap him. Of course, I held my tongue and my back hand swing.
I also am very frustrated because an inquiry came in approximately 2 weeks ago. Boss 2 wanted to handle it all. It was something I could have done but even though I didn’t want to,I gave it to him. I emailed him last Friday where the quote was so I could follow up. Well, there wasn’t a quote ever done. I realize he is overwhelmed and overstressed but by goodness give me the darn work! He stated today he wanted to do it because he needs to learn the product line. I get it. I get it. What I don’t get is why couldn’t I crossed and do the work and then give the inquiry back to him so he could get a grasp on what it was, which needed to be done. I am drowning in debt here! I need these sales and I am more than willing to do what I can…I wanted to B*itch slap him. Of course, I held my tongue and my back hand swing.
Attitude
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood." Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life." I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live." Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. “Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath a nd yelled, 'Gravity'." Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Thanks Carl for sending this to me!
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Thanks Carl for sending this to me!
Lost and FOUND! Welton Girls!!!!!
I am so very excited! I found my girls! I found my long lost (3 years) girls! The Welton girls moved to Bloomington and I lost them. I have been internet searching for their mother and other family members and I even went to what I thought would be their schools website. Last night I hit the jackpot!! I thought to myself those girls are “cool” I bet they have a myspace account. I did some creative searching and low and behold I FOUND THEM!!! I actually got to email back and forth to them too! I am so very happy right now. It really has made my day and even my week!
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