Soap Box

I was watching t.v. and found out Justin Timberlake (Boy band N'Sync guy) got a $30,000.00 pair of sunglasses for free at the Sundance Festival. I also heard some famous people getting thousands of dollars worth of free stuff. One gal got a $18,000.00 purse. I was like, WTF? These people get paid more than they should, and on top of that, they are getting thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for free...it really ticked me off because I have been sick and it has cost me hundreds of dollars this weekend and I DON'T HAVE IT ($$) to spare. The good news, and I say, "Thank you to God", is I have enough frozen foods to last me this week for lunch and dinner." I just was livid about how unfair it seems.

Okay, I am off my soap box now...just took some cough meds with codine so I am going to go to a happy place now...see you guys later...in a much happier place...aahhh drugs can be such a good thing....

Low

High Ho
I'm Low
So it is off to the urgent care
I Go.

What do I need to learn?

I have been taking my medication as the doctor ordered and yet, I am still NOT well. In fact, my nose is starting to run again, and my throat is a total mess and even worse and on top of that...The meds are giving me the BIG D! So I called into the doctors office today and told them. 3 hours later they called stating, "Well the meds you are on will cause you to have the big D so eat some yogurt with live cultures....And take some over the counter meds for the big D". If this doesn't work, I will need to come in for a recheck.

OMG....I don't know if I can go through another round of not sleeping tonight. I am really sick of watching Roseanne. I just want to sleep during sleeping hours like everyone else.

I am asking myself what do I need to learn from this and what is my body trying to say. The main thing which continues to come back to me is I have to start speaking my mind. Maybe getting what is on my mind out will keep this illness from attacking my throat and body. Weird? Definitely...But I think I am going to give it a try and with this said, I think I might be getting fired soon.

2:42 AM

Okay, I am about to drive myself to medical care provider. My cough and sore throat is about to put me into an insane asylum!

Everything else seems to be healing quite nicely but I have about had it with this being sick! I mean what is the use of being home sick from work if you can't do anything?? (ha ha)

What is that saying?

What is that saying, "While the cat is away, the mice will play." Is that the correct saying? I have issues with getting saying mixed up....Anyway, this is an email I received today from one of my employees:

I am writing in regard to a certain person’s work habits, because I feel it is adversely affecting the work environment here. XXXXX’s work breaks are getting outrageous. It’s not that I want you to come down hard on her/him or anything, but it’s affecting the work place. XYZ customer called for XXXXX at least three times today. Twice while XXXXX was on a close to hour-and-a-half lunch break and once while XXXXX was in the bathroom. I think XXXXX does a great job here, and she/he is very generous to us all, picking up food for us (for example). She does his/her share while he/she is here, but it’s getting to be hard with him/her gone so much. Can you please gently let XXXXX know that it would help us all if he/she wasn’t gone so often for so long? It’s not like he/she eats his/her lunch on the hour that he/she is gone to pick up his/her daughter and takes a fifteen minute break in the morning. He/She was gone almost a total of 2 ½ hours today. It’s just frustrating to me, but maybe I’m over-reacting.

I know XXXXX has some long days here, so I do recognize that his/her breaks should exceed some others. For instance, my breaks don’t need to exceed 30 min, because I’m only here maybe 7hrs a day on average. In short, he/she has a right to more or longer breaks, but two hour-and-fifteen min breaks seems like a lot. Plus, we all have to schedule our breaks around his/her two breaks.

Sorry if this is annoying you on your sick time off. I just felt I should address the issue since it is bothering me so much.

Some Better Tonight

I stopped wheezing and can breathe. That is the WOREST experience I have ever had in my entire life. I was so scared. I didn't know if I fell asleep if I would choke to death so I stayed up the entire night and watched Roseanne on the tube. All night long I watched reruns..like 10 of them because I was afraid I was going to die. I was so tired, I thought I might die so I kept my eyes open. It was horrible. I pray no one has to go through what I did with not being able to breathe. Now I am just dealing with a sore throat, congested nose, ears hurting, head hurting and hot and cold chills...I can DEAL with all of this and all is well knowing it is going to be okay as long as I can breathe!

Hope everyone is well in your world.

Quick Trip To Urgent Care Facility

Almost died tonight.

Could not breathe...Luckily brother was up and heard me and he was very sweet and took me to the urgent care facility.

It seems I have caught EVERYTHING. You name it. I got it.

I will not be going to my training classes now. I will be staying home and in bed for the next 2 days. Doctors Orders!

I sure hope the $1,500 is refundable or transferable.

Sick of being sick!

I told myself I would not get sick and it snuck up on me! Darn it all...I just hate having a sinus infection!!!!! It seems I get this every year and I am just sick of it!

I am off work for the next couple days...Well kind of, I am going to training for the next 2 days. I was really excited about it until I found out there would only be 12 of us and most of the people coming were high executives from top 500 companies. What is little ole me going to be able to associate with these people? My life coach (who will be there and recommended me into going) thinks I have much to offer. He said, most of these people in these high profile jobs are in the same place regarding work issues as I am. I was dumbfounded. How could these educated people be in the same place I am....Makes me wonder about people graduating from collages who should be. I am not saying I am stupid but how can a person run a 500 company and have my same issues when I run a 6 man operation? Shouldn't these people be more educated than this? Or am I missing the boat.

Will let you know how it turns out tomorrow...Until then, it is time for me to take meds!

January 22

Today is January 22, 2006 and this is the last day, I am going to take any disrespect from any one.

Tunnel Vision

The words “Tunnel Vision” was used in my household today so I decided to do some research.

Some people equate tunnel vision with the saying about not seeing the forest for the trees. A person with tunnel vision is so zoned-in on one thing he doesn’t see much else. His eyes are fixed on a single object. He doesn’t notice other things. He is distracted from distraction. He is isolated in isolation. He is shut off from other facts by fixation on a single fact he believes so important that all else recedes in the darkness of self-imposed selective ignorance.

As a consequence, persons with tunnel vision see only the light at the end of the tunnel, disregarding the tunnel walls that keep the massive weight of the outside world from caving in on them.

People with tunnel vision see the light and may be drawn to it without realizing that safely reaching the light depends on the integrity and strength of tunnel walls within the darkness, walls that make the journey out of darkness possible.

Are we today foolish crawling through the tunnel of life with no concern for the structure that prevents the world from caving in on us and not seeing the light around us? We see the light but do we ignore the danger lurking in darkness of the tunnel?

Perhaps we need to more closely examine the intricate structure that keeps us safe in this present dangerous hour. Or are we too focused on the way of escape for ourselves individually?

Are we ignoring our responsibility to love the children who must crawl along behind us through this dangerous tunnel, threatened by the weakness of timbers and beams and are we are refusing to repair as we scramble to deliver our individual selves from the darkness?

Are we abandoning our responsibility to make the tunnel safer for the children by ignoring our present problems? Are we getting through the tunnel on our own, while refusing to participate in the process of making the tunnel stronger for those who must follow after us?

Are we relying on our own strength and wisdom to find our way out of darkness guided only by a light in the distance as our children venture more deeply into danger we refuse to repair?

Where would we be if the walls caved in? Where will our children be if the walls cave in? Who is working to strengthen the walls? Who will replace the rotting timbers we ignore in our selfish quest for light. Who is going to strengthen the tunnel so others can make their way safely from darkness into light?

How long can we remain in this present darkness before the walls cave in on us?

Pointing to the light ahead is good. We must never lose sight of the light. Let us see the light clearly and never lose sight of its promise. However let us not forget about the darkness and what it holds for us and others.

Make the journey safe for others, not just for ourselves.

Update For Judy On So Tired Entry

I walked in at 9:30 and said "Good Morning" without giving any excuses or lies. (Of course my hair was still wet and I my eyes were puffy so I am sure they all knew what had happened.)

I thought about writing myself up and placing the warning in my personal file but I thought to myself, "Judy is right, I HAD to get some sleep and I work myself like a dog around here." So I didn't. (smiles)

Luckily, the owner knows me and knows the kind of hours I put in so other than being concerned for me, he would never condemn me for oversleeping. (Unless the office wasn't staffed...That would not have been good.) Otherwise, the owner is good to me and it is one of the reasons why I have a love/hate relationship with my job. I hate it, but you gotta love it too. *sigh*

Teen Star Gone Bad

I was scanning the news tonight when I found a story about a guy going into rehab. The name sounded very familiar to me so I googled him. WOW was I surprised! The picture of the man they had shown in the news article wasn't at all anything like I remembered. He was originally a former teen beat favorite and I had a poster of him in my bedroom when I was young. I remember then I used to have this young man's 8 track tape and it made me laugh because it reminded me of how old I am. Then I wondered what the heck happened to him? He looks like he has been beaten and been through hell and back. I guess drugs will do that to a person.

I hope all my prescription drugs don't make me look like that in a few years. I will be really mad because I spent a lot of money on cosmetics and personal hygiene products.

So Tired

Today I was late for work! I have been working late this week and found myself dead dog tired this week...I didn't wake up until 1/2 hour after I was supposed to be at work! I didn't hear my alarm and I didn't hear the two calls my phone received before 8 a.m. When I woke up it was completely day light. I was freaked! I just can't wait for the weekend. I am hoping I will get some rest and relaxation! Here is hoping!!!

One Problem

One of the issues with firing employee is that I have to have a replacement. I haven't found the right person yet. Certainly not the red neck girl. I have been told to fire and hire. GET ER DONE! I am working on it!!

Interview, Job Offer and Firing

The redneck interviewed with the owner and he said, "I don't think she is a good fit". "Why?" I asked and he told me. His thoughts were the same as my thoughts...scarey.

Speaking of interviews...I had a job offer today. Fell from the sky. I am not looking but it was nice to hear. I always tell the owner too when it happens...Which is about 2 times a year. I have to keep his memory sharp and open to the possibility that others want me...Just in case he forgets what he has in me. (Lots of laughs!)

I have to fire another employee by end of February. I was told to get it done. This person is not working out. Owner wants this person terminated. I have to do it and I know it isn't going to be pretty. I have to call the police department to have them around the area the day I do it. I just can't wait.

Revenge is SWEEEEETTT!!

I am a very bad girl.

First I should explain about the owner of my company. He is a very busy man.

Today he overstepped a decision I had made and needless to say, I was pissed. So I am taking revenge.

I interviewed a red neck girl who was referred to me. This red neck girl was nice enough but she "ain't got no problems other than her ex stalking her, destroying her home, cutting phone lines and just plain won't leave her be". Also, she had to quit her last job because he was causing troubles for her there. She spoke about her ex the entire time she was in my office. She has no hobbies or anything to speak of...Only her ex and she wants this job so she can run from him so he can't find her and their 2 children. Oh, and she would have to be off one day this month because she is taking him to court and "hopefully the law will put him away for good this time". Okay, can you say excess baggage?

There is no way I would hire this girl...But...Since she was referred to me by someone the owner knows...And I am pissed...I passed her to the owner for consideration and an interview. When I called her today she literally screamed "SWEEEEETTT!!!" on the phone when I asked her to come in on Monday for a second interview.

I am so bad....And I sure hope Karma doesn't bite me on this one....

It is Judy's fault

Thanks to Judy I have some lovely new stamps coming in from Stampin Up! I need more stamps like Stephanie needs paper...*ha ha*...Okay, so I need to make something with the stamp set(s) which I bought. Hum. Think, Think, Think. I think I got it! I think I will send Judy a card that say's "Thanks Judy for feeding my addiction!" I just love friends who care.

(Smiles Judy and Stephanie!)

PRAYER ANSWERED!

Now I would not call myself "religious" but I would 100% say I am a spiritual person...My life coach yesterday told me to start looking for God in what I do. He wasn't aware that I was looking for this paper..He just wanted me to concentrate on the good, which happens in my life..Today was a HELL DAY! It seems any time I am off, even for a few short hours...Work falls apart. Now, I am not just saying this to pat myself on the back because owner actually said it today too...And it is true. I guess I am the glue which holds this company together...Anyway, back to my story...I was quite upset because I can certainly tell everyone that I didn't see him much of God's hands in anything at all today. But tonight...MY PRAYER HAS BEEN ANSWERED! I found that paperwork I have been so desperately been looking for. I jumped up and down and shouted "God has shown himself to me!"

HELP!

I desperately need prayers. I have lost some extremely important papers and I have to find them quickly!!!!!

I am hiding my head under the sink

Went to the knitting store and teacher got me back where I needed to be. So I was off and running like a pro with my scarf. My next count I had 1 to many, the next count I had 2 to many. I started to sweat so I decided to see if I could fix. My next count I had 4 to many. So I thought keep going see if you can fix it. Now I have 6 or more to many...I think I will go put my head under the kitchen sink and hide for awhile.

Upsetting News

1. I deleted a large file I had created with part numbers for a large customer. This was a file I used personally almost every day, but now I have to start back to square one and rebuild the Access file.

2. One of my employees who has recently been written up for attendance had her boyfriend call her in sick today. I am not saying she wasn't sick, it is the fact that she had her boyfriend call her in after she was already on probation. I don't know if this means I have to fire her or not. I am very upset about having to fire her. What about the FMLA? I am waiting to hear about the regulations I must follow.

3. The scarf I was knitting looks like crap. I did something to the stitches and I don't know how to fix it. I am at a loss as to what to do with the scarf at this point. I am extremely depressed.

4. I have to work on a Saturday. I know, millions of people do but it really sucks to put in over 40 hours this week and have to go in. Did I mention I don't get paid to work extra?

That is it for now. I am tired of typing all the bad. I have lots of good things which happened today but I am choosing to post only the negative. Bah Hum Bug...

I would have been mad at me

The owner of the company was looking and looking and looking....no kidding...for some paperwork on a client, which he swore he placed on my desk. Well, I had NONE of that! I actually cleaned my desk up (first time in about a year) and I was like, "No, I don't think so..." (Note: I didn't really say this but it was in my head swimming around.) So we looked on everyone's desk. We looked in his office. We looked in all the filing cabinets but no luck. I was just sure we would have found it amongst his things...low and behold....I had them on top of my desk the entire time. I would have been so mad at me if I were him and he didn't seem mad at all...I went in and said, "I am so sorry. I had the paperwork the entire time. I am so very sorry." He forgave me and that was that.

Note to self: Remember not to be so hard on the dear old man the next time he does something which chaps my ass.

On another note...I went to my first knitting class tonight. It was a bit stressful for me since I am an A type individual who is extremely hard on anything creative I do....but I have all week to practice and the teacher told me if I had any problems to come in and someone would help me. I told her I would hold her to that! Will post pictures as I go later!!

Micro Management

I came in early today to get a heads start at work. Guess what I came into? The owner of the company re-organized my desk! Why? Why? I get SO ANGRY at him for doing things like this. He is such a micromanager and it drives me to want to drink...Something more than coke! If you were to see his office you would think, why in the world would he be doing this little task and not bother with his own! I have a few ideas...His world is so crazy and life such a mess that he doesn't want to take the time to do his own work. So he goes through each of our desk here at the office so that he doesn't have to do his own. Maybe he doesn't know where to began with his own...I don't know. I know, however that it pisses me off to come in to have to re-organize my own work before I can even began to start. It takes so much time and energy.

I am so happy to be back to work today. Can't you tell?

Long Weekend Over

Not much to say about having to go back to work...Other than I am glad I have a job to go to. I guess I need to be happy that I have a job to go to even though it stinks.

Time For Changes

This year I am planning on changing one thing a month. My goal is to do SOMETHING different every month. I am going to do something creative to nurish my soul. I am going to stop a negative thought in my head before it gets out of control. I am going to clean out my desk at work. (This might freak out the owner..ha ha) I think if at the end of 2006, I can look back and see the changes I made, I will feel better about how I spent my time here on earth. Also, what a great feeling to know I had accomplished xy and z this past year.

Here is to us! My wish for everyone is happiness, peace and health!